Mind Games: Sometimes a White Coat Isn’t Just a White Coat

This article was interesting and has some relevance I’m sure as to why we often dress a certain way for tango. The article spoke about what you wear changing you psychological state. I know this makes sense to me. I loved dressing up as a child and dressing in someone else’s clothing was preferable! And what about now?

I like to look nice, to look elegant, but getting there is challenging sometimes! Some of you know that I do not actually enjoy going shopping. I am probably one of the few women I know who would rather hire someone to do this job for me! Or shop online. Just make me look good but don’t make me go through the hassle of taking off and putting on clothes in a dressing room in a bunch of different stores, trying to find clothing that fits, looks good, feels good. HELP! Maybe this is a skill that we have to acquire? “The shopping skill.”

In preparing for the tango championship a lot of resources were spent on finding just the right outfits for both myself and Rommel and making sure we “matched”. When you look good and feel that you look good, it can have a transforming affect on the psyche. We essentially had to dress like winners and winners for this competition have to look a certain way. We learned this from last year’s trial run when some of the feedback we received was specifically on our dress.

I remember hearing my mother speak about a time in Buenos Aires on the Calle Florida (which is a major shopping area and tourist center now) when women and men would dress up to promenade on Calle Florida. My grandmother would never leave her house without dressing up and doing her hair. And there was a time when going to a milonga was a night out on the town where you dressed up, wore your best clothing, greased back your hair, and women never left the house without their stockings. (Incidentally nylon stockings were made in the US in 1940.)

I know this tradition hints at being alive at most milongas across the world. Dressing up in our best makes us feel sexy, appealing, attractive, etc. And we hope that of course, we will attract our perfect-in-the-moment tango mates.

In the article, the subjects of the experiments, in a nutshell, were asked to wear a Dr.’s lab coat and then were tested on sustained attention. And of course those who wore the coats, felt the coats, and had attached the meaning of it as being a “Dr.’s lab coat” showed greatest improvement in attention. The article concludes that clothing can change your psychological processes.

Maybe that’s where ladies tango shoe fetishes come in. If I wear those cute shoes, I will look like a tango dancer and therefore feel like a tango dancer and dance better. Well, readers, you know my stance on that, not if they don’t fit and aren’t comfortable!

A young student came to me after I encouraged the class to “dress to impress” for an upcoming milonga, stressing his desire for comfort. “Why can’t I wear jeans? I don’t own anything else, and I feel good in my jeans”. I understand this as I am very comfortable in my jeans or slacks and t-shirt too. But the truth is, going to a milonga is an event. Sharing tango with a community is an occasion, a happening. The dressing up is part of the magic. Each one of us plays a part at the milonga. Each one of us adds to its enchantment, to its excitement. So if you feel good and feel better in what you are wearing, you are preparing yourself psychologically for dancing. Ladies, have you experienced that dressed man who enters the milonga and takes your breath away? The suit makes him look sharp and angular, he is clean shaven and smells good, a part of the female brain says, I want to be with him! And I’m sure there’s an equivalent for the man, as they are very visual beings!

Next time you get dressed for a milonga consider the outfit that makes you feel like dancing!

I love the idea of a fairy tale as I know many of my dreams growing up were invaded with prince charming  and wondered if I would ever live one! But I also reflected on the many aspects of tango as being like a fairy tale. Our shoe fetishes always remind me of Cinderella and her Prince Charming. Some tango couples I think help promote this idea of falling in love and dancing off into the sunset, happily. But it seemed that this particular student saw the fairy tale similarly but with another layer to it: the rules of a video game!

I am not a gamer so I have had very little experience with this aspect of our culture but this idea that in order for the fairy tale to come alive a set of rules need to be applied was appealing to me. I don’t plan to set out on a true analysis of tango and video games in this blog, I’ll leave that to one of my ASU student’s final project, but I want to comment on the idea of the structure of the dance that is what helps to make it magical.

Certain things need to happen or need to be in place for the fairy tale to come life.
For the follower: dressing up, wearing beautiful shoes, smelling good, hair, nails, makeup – or whatever it is that makes a follower feel feminine.
For the leader, and not being one, I can only imagine it is very similar (minus the makeup) but also includes whatever makes the leader feel confident and “masculine”, if you will.
The milonga is set up as an environment to envelop these beautifully dressed people. But without the structure of the music and the etiquette it could just be a bunch of beautiful people hanging out, maybe like in a bar in NYC. So we add the music; organized in tandas, with cortinas, playing romantic, playful music of the Golden Age of Argentine Tango, we add the infamous cabaceo, and get those beautifully clad dancers moving in a line of dance, doing movement that we associate with Argentine tango and we start to have a milonga.

I do know that in a video game you have to play by the rules otherwise, well, you die, or you don’t amass points to get to your next level.

The rules and the structure in Tango help to keep the culture alive and I think it’s the Tango culture that is so appealing to people. We are still attracted to beauty, to connection, to the possibility of falling in love forever or for 3 minutes. We are attracted to being held and to hold someone close. And yet some people who see the dance and experience it are drawn to change it or perhaps to make it “more fun” or to make it work for them in some way. I hear students often complain that it’s “too slow”.

This is often what happens to dances over time. A dance form leaves its place of origin, is acquired by a new place, a new culture and often is highly influenced by that new culture that chooses to dance it. And this is also what happens within communities: you have divisions based on “traditionalists” and those who choose to do something else or to change “the rules”.

I like to believe that when this happens it is a sign of growth within a community. More people are being exposed and more people want to try it regardless of their understanding of a dance’s “origins”. Education becomes important. I was recently amazed or maybe it was more like shocked that in 1 of my university classes on dance and culture a student claimed that belly dancing originated in Colombia. (Thanks to media and videos today, Shakira has helped out dance and culture. Sarcasm intended.) I digress – Back to tango…..

Argentine Tango as a social dance is just that and it does come with a set of rules that help to keep the fairy tale of tango magic alive. Maybe it’s time for renaming or maybe it’s long overdue that if you are not going to have the rules than change the name of the event. We have heard for many years now, probably since I started tango, the terms alternative tossed about or mixtures of milonga and practica: practilonga. But I think the minute we use the word milonga we are expecting a certain setting, a certain milieu, a particular ambience with certain codes. So if you get rid of the rules, the etiquette, and you dance tango what is it called?

Sounds like a riddle….

And lastly, I know that people in a community start to feel like they have to choose where they go or what event they are seen at as that might influence how they are perceived or labeled. I know for me, as a tango teaching artist, that I often too feel torn because I know that I want people to dance and yet, I am truly invested in the traditions and the magic that draws people to the Argentine Tango.

I first came across taxi dancing on my trips to Buenos Aires.  Dancers, usually female, hire a male dancer to partner them at milongas. Then when I started my tours to Buenos Aires I hired taxi dancers to assist in milongas and in the classes. I have always had mixed feelings about taxi dancing but found it absolutely essential and beneficial on my tours.

My partner Rommel Oramas is a taxi dancer and he speaks passionately about taxi dancing. I was struck by his articulateness and dedication to being a taxi dancer and asked him to shares his thoughts with me here.

“It’s a paid profession for me,” says Rommel. He started taxi dancing in Phoenix, AZ to enhance the confidence of some of his female students in dancing socially.  “My intention and purpose varies with each partner.  Most dancers just want to have a  nice dance, a tanda or 2 without having to wait 2 or 3 hours or all night to dance. Sometimes  it is about mismatched skill levels and therefore, taxi dancing becomes a solution for that dancer.  Sometimes partners want to be shown off at the milonga so other dancers can look for them.”

“Taxi dancing has a code of conduct,” Rommel continues, “knowing that a tango dancer flirts with sensuality and sexuality the code of conduct is necessary. To be come a good taxi dancer, I have to be respectful of my partner, kind, and professional.”

“R.A.P,” he says, smiling.
“RAP?” I ask him.

“Yes, Respectful Amicable and Professional!  Respectful – because I understand that the dance is for my client, for the compañera de baile. I have to put my effort and attention into that person so that they look good and so that they feel comfortable and confident and safe. It’s not about me in that moment.  I wear my smile, I introduce her to other dancers – this is important. Professional – I’m doing a job – I’m there to dance, it’s not a lesson, I’m not there to teach or criticize”.

I asked Rommel how he handles a follow who might feel heavy or who is squeezing his hand too tightly and he admitted that every once in awhile he might give slight feedback especially if he feels that it is physically hurting him, like his back or his shoulder.  And that would be given after a song or even the tanda is finished. He usually already has a good rapport with that dancer and knows that they are open to it. He continues, “I know as a skillful dancer that I can adjust myself in order to continue to make her look good. So for example – I relax my arm if she is pushing too strongly or if she feels heavy I open the embrace slightly. Usually she notices through this silent communication and adjusts as well, ie: she relaxes that arm. If she asks for feedback I tell her that it’s a milonga and we’re here to dance. If she has a good time and has good dances and doesn’t ask for feedback then I’ve done my job. And this encourages the referral system – they speak highly of me and will tell their friends. Most of my business is done by word of mouth”.

I ask him if he ever says “no”?  “I am always open and available. I start with 2 or 3 tandas. If there’s a good rapport we can take it from there. I try to spread out my time of tandas with a single person over the course of the milonga – to change the energy – to dance with others. Sometimes there are musical preferences – ie: she likes vals tandas or milonga or a tanda of Di Sarli. This allows me to share that tanda with that person and then go dance with others. I can have several paid tandas in a milonga”.

Rommel feels strongly that taxi dancers need to be trained. “Not all great dancers can be a good taxi dancer.  You have to be able to morph to your partners’ needs and to their level of dancing. You have to have the tools necessary to make the dancer the most important part of the dance.  A taxi dancer is good if his intentions are to serve the partner and to serve the art form of tango”.

“Taxi dancing has made me a better dancer. It has helped me to better understand my partners and their needs in the dance. In reality they aren’t far from my own. I want to connect, have a good time, enjoy the dance, and maybe learn about my partner a little bit more”.

“Everybody has a right to pursue happiness, to get their needs met. Taxi dancing offers this possibility”.

 http://rommeloramas.com/rent-a-lead-for-argentine-tango/

I am always fascinated to watch Rommel in action at a milonga. He moves from 1 tanda to another from 1 partner to another pretty seamlessly. You might never know if he is “working” or just dancing. But the ladies always seem pleased with him and they hire him for the events they know he will be attending.

I know that taxi dancing can be very controversial and often brings out strong opinions in people, like most tango-things! But options are a good thing and if having a taxi dancer improves your quality of life and brings a smile to your face, then why not.

I am always repeating to my students that Tango is a negotiation. There is always a negotiation in dance both in the learning and doing of it. And in a couple’s dance like Argentine Tango, i think there’s a lot of it!

I was in Flagstaff last weekend teaching and had a wonderful time. A discussion on negotiating came up again. One thing is for me to say it and then another for students to want to talk about it or need an explanation of how it works.

Negotiations begin in a social setting from the moment we arrive at a milonga – who to sit with? Where to sit? Maybe this is only really about choice or also about negotiating with others or with oneself – the psyche? Or the ego?

When you’re asked to dance – are you already defensive? Then why did you say yes? You have to negotiate this? Can you decide that this will be a new dance? A fun time? An actual dance and not a “roll of the eyes” moment that will be complained about for hours?

When you’re in the dance – I often get asked – what do I do when or if my partner does x or y? My question back is – what do you want? Do you want to fight? Or do you want to enjoy it? can you negotiate in that moment to not struggle?

I think all dance is about negotiations. As a modern dancer there were negotiations with myself, my body, my mind, with my choreographers, my dancers, my colleagues, my teachers. It is the same in tango and I believe in most modern and social dance forms.

A specific example came up:
Leader: What do I do when I feel the follower “vibrating” beneath me? I am not sure if she is decorating or what but her whole body seems to move and jiggle in my arms.

And this leader clearly had an opinion about this jiggling by his tone. So I proposed to him 2 scenarios.

Daniela: well you could try to stop her because clearly you don’t like it. Or what if you actually guided her movement, almost like joining in on it? so it might feel less like she’s vibrating and more like she’s being accompanied in her movement and maybe that’s the support she needs. 

Every scenario is different and sometimes we will choose not to negotiate – a non-negotiable moment!  Just like life!  And other times, I encourage considering a negotiation. And most of all, remember, dancing is supposed to put a smile on our faces!

(Funny how I was searching for a picture to post with this blog and most of the pictures I found were either people shaking hands, 1 person throwing a punch, or there was money involved!)

No throwing punches, no money, and lots of smiling!

I am happy to announce my Tango Tours for 2011 and also happy to have Rommel Oramas join me once again; his assistance is invaluable in these tours.

We have 3 choices of tours this year: Mendoza – Vino y Tango, Buenos Aires 10 day Cultural Immersion; and NEW this year, Buenos Aires 8 day Tour de Lujo.

In chronological order:

MENDOZA – Vino y Tango  May 19 – May 24, 2011 $900

Buenos Aires 10-day Cultural Immersion Tango Tour May 25 – June 4, 2011 $1700

Buenos Aires 8 day Tour de Lujo June 6 – 14, 2011 $2350

Non-refundable deposit of $500 due March 15th to hold your place.  First come first serve. 
Tours do not include airfare, tips, and Reciprocity Tax to enter Argentina of $131 (paid at EZE airport)

As some of you already know, I was teaching in Las Cruces / El Paso on November 20 – 23, 2009.

I flew into El Paso and had a delightful lunch with Joanie (dancer, owner of El Paso Ballroom Dance Academy) and John (lovely student).  Joanie had a great day planned for me:  privates and a little performance with Tommy at the milonga that evening. 

On Saturday and Sunday in Las Cruces, we worked our buns off in 3 hour sessions.  Even though both session were very mixed levels I continued to encourage all levels to work with their partners and to execute what they did know effortlessly.  As I always have stated you start with what you do know, or that which makes sense and you build from there: adding on 1 piece at a time, always making sure that you and your partner are still on the same page, or on the desired foot, might be the better analogy!  This is always a challenge, I suspect for most teachers, trying to keep "everyone" entertained and challenged.  But I also know that it is up to the student to keep challenging themselves as well. 

Everyone was incredibly nice, open, generous of spirit.  I am so grateful to everyone who worked very hard to make my trip possible.  I think I even have to go so far as to thank Will S. since he’s the first one from Las Cruces who drove to take a lesson from me, first contacting me in November 2008.  So thank you Will for helping to introduce me to your now former community!  Jack and Karen and Cris and Nicky came soon after and how wonderful to watch them grow as dancers and to have them as friends too! 

It was great to share dances with Tommy, who has a nice sense of the music and was totally fun even if his ribs were hurting him.  I hope he is feeling much better.  Joanie really knows her students (I think this is a sign of a good teacher) and was very kind to set up privates and bring some of her students to Las Cruces for the weekend.  It was so nice to "talk shop" with her.

I have received some of the feedback that Nicky has gathered and forwarded to me and it sounds like most everyone had as wonderful a weekend as I did.  I will go back and look forward to it enthusiastically.

Thank you LAS CUCES and EL PASO!!!!

Daniela did a wonderful job connecting with the attendees. She was very
positive and extremely talented. The way she explained moves was exceptional. I truly think I now have enough confidence to tackle the dance that I once disliked very much.
Daniela has wonderful energy, an engaging teaching style and did a great job of addressing skills for all levels. I’m happy that so many of our Las Cruces dancers attended and feel that our community will be strengthened due to the experience.
I was quite pleased with the workshop with Daniela. I thought it was a great success. We had all levels of Tango background and knowledge. It was interesting to see how everyone worked together to learn and improve on this most wonderful dance.
I really enjoyed the weekend workshops and feel like it was time and money well spent. I found Daniela to be a delightful person to be around and appreciate the way she presents the dance, making it not only a good learning and practicing experience but a fun time as well.
I think that it was refreshing, educational, and good for our developing community to have a playful voice like this here— one, who, at the same time, comes with recent experience of how the thing is being danced in Buenos Aires.
 

Saturday September 12th at the Art of Dance, School of Ballroom and Latin
In the heart of Downtown Scottsdale’s Gallery District – there will be a class and a milonga to follow.

7 – 8pm Introductory Argentine Tango Class with Rommel and Daniela
8pm – 1am Milonga
DJ – Dr. Milonga (Steve Mumaw)

FREE Intro Class
Milonga = $8
ASU students Welcome with ID – $4

http://www.artofdanceaz.com/
7077 East Main Street
Suite 11-12
Scottsdale, AZ 85251

Plenty of parking on the street in front or in the back of the building or in the parking garage behind the studio (enter on N. Marshall Avenue)
At this point no alcoholic beverages allowed in the space.
AND we have a couple of small surprises for you…. SO DON’T MISS OUT!

Rommel and Daniela will be your hosts. We look forward to introducing this lovely space to you.

Let’s Tango!