Have you ever danced a tanda with someone and felt excited? or maybe even aroused? Or just flat out wanted to sleep with them? Was the tanda screaming sex to you? Or what about dancing a tanda and feeling that the person in your arms was in love with you?
What do you do???
I think the allure of tango is the fact that it is advertised as the vertical expression of a horizontal desire and for some more than others.
Probably one of the only things that distinguish one embrace from another (besides the shape of it) is the intention and its interpretation. And who knew that so many things could be sensed through the embrace.
I spoke to some tango leaders who revealed to me that they knew when a woman wanted to sleep with them.
“Are you sure?” I asked. And they assured me, they were sure.
How is that possible? So I asked one leader to describe it, “she feels really open”, he said.
“Can you give me better words than that?” I asked.
Well, I didn’t get much farther with that conversation but I remained curious.
Then another leader told me that in his dancing his job is to “seduce her”. His words exactly. And well, this particular leader is quite popular. Why is that? Is it just because he says that he is basically seducing all of his partners? Probably yes, probably because that INTENTION is transmitted through every pore in his being. His lead is quite attentive, his embrace enveloping, it is quite intoxicating to dance with him.
However, this leader was quite clear, with me at least, that when the tanda was over, our “love affair” had ended. And thus the adage that what happens on the dance floor stays on the dance floor! And clearly what just happened was just that, a dance; a shared experience.
But I want to flip this around. I had a leader once tell me that he had felt that a woman was seducing him in the dance but he wasn’t sure and was concerned about it. He wanted to know what to do about it! I didn’t know what to advise directly but I thought, wow, how many “poor” leaders were out there wondering if a woman had wanted to take them home!
Or how many women had NO idea that they had been giving off such vibes during their dance? (This I think is the more important question).
I believe that when we are fully immersed in our body, fully present in a physical activity, that there can be a feeling of vulnerability or of “having given it all”. Which might be interpreted differently than intended.
So where does this leave us this day and age? I firmly believe we have to take responsibility for our feelings and our intentions. Maybe if you are aware of your body’s reaction to someone take responsibility for it, enjoy it, because it means you are alive and feeling, but then be clear about it. I am not really interested in whether you decide to sleep with someone that you met on the milonga dance floor or not, that’s your decision, but I am interested in people taking responsibility for their energy.
I remember being told that the older milongueros often didn’t like to dance 2 tandas in a row, precisely for the reason of basking in the after glow of that tanda they just had with that woman. It would take another tanda to come down from that high. I sometimes feel the same way! Just give me a tanda to recover, please, and thank you!
What are your feelings about this? Are you in doubt about what you’re feeling on the dance floor? Do you ever talk to your partners about what you’ve experienced (in a nice productive way)?