Lisbon Tango Fest is over. I believe it was a huge success again for the organizers, now in their 16th year (I think)! And it inspired me to write and video-blog on a few issues, mostly etiquette! Thank you for the inspiration.
And yes, I’m sorry but yes, this is another blog about etiquette on the social dance floor. But I really couldn’t help myself for this one. I know it’s a similar story that you might have read before or a similar rant you found on Facebook but here I am anyway!
Has no one taught women to say “no” specifically to men who can’t dance? I mean really can’t dance!
I witnessed a man, not dressed very tango but nicely casually dressed. He asked (at least) 2 lovely women to dance and I witnessed each of them endure an entire tanda. WHAT? How is this possible?
Now mind you, he clearly, really, honestly, had never taken a tango class ever. There was no Ronda for him (or for more many as it turned out – see my video blog about this), there was no idea of embrace, and he was stepping alll over the womens’ feet. Sigh! It was all I could do to restrain myself from rushing up to them, like a referee, blow my whistle and say “off the dance floor please” – yes, I would flash them a red card, as it is World Cup soccer season!
Here’s an example of where a clear “thank you ” would be acceptable. A polite “Thank you” and walk off the dance floor. How dare he humiliates those women! Unfortunately, there were so many women at this festival, as usual, and these women are desperate to dance, taking chances with whomever.
One such woman was an American woman who I had met and she told me right away, “I have no idea what I just did, but I don’t think it was tango”. I looked at her and asked, “did you to the whole tanda? why??” Of course I had her point him out to me and saw him again later with another unsuspecting victim. This American woman said, that she did not know why she continued the tanda, she didn’t know that she could end it or that it might be inappropriate for her to actually finish the tanda. I explained to her that traditionally and in Buenos Aires, that it would work against her to finish the tanda with a man like that, who didn’t know what he was doing, as it marked her to the other potential dancers at the milonga as possibly not knowing how to dance herself. Here, in Europe, at a gynormous festival like this, I don’t really know how much it mattered.
But what a pickle we are in in the tango world. The etiquette is out the window… egos are fragile, fun tandas are sometimes few and far between and I think men and women are enduring terrible tandas where they don’t have to. Or maybe they do because we/ they are all too desperate to dance.
There are nice ways to say thank you to someone if you’re worried about “hurting ” their feelings/ egos. Picture this – you fumble into an embrace and you suspect something is wrong, then you find yourself chugging along, and you’re facing the wrong direction and well, it becomes clear that you will not be lead into any clear tango move, and he is talking, the whole time. Maybe a minute has gone by maybe 3. Break embrace, “Thank you. I’m uncomfortable.” And move carefully off the crowded dance floor. Maybe you wait and do it in between songs, after all he probably doesn’t know what a tanda is anyway.
Ask your local teachers for advice. Begin the inquiry. And Tell me Why did you endure a tanda with someone who didn’t know how to dance? I’d like to hear from you.
In the meantime I leave you some quickie videos from the weekend:
Ronda Etiquette Video (again apologies for the sun in your eyes and some windy sound quality. )
The venue for the afternoon milonga – 2 spaces – that pretty much engulfed 400 dancers per afternoon. Outdoor space and indoor space.
Afternoon Milonga 1
Afternoon Milonga 2
The evening venue – this is the final night of performances, 1000 people (and yes, there are other festivals that have many many more dancers than this one!) the La Juan D’Arienzo orchestra (amazing, love them), and the group dance from the maestros. I am scanning the crowd, hopefully you will get a sense of what it is like to be in a room filled with 1000+ tango fans!